Understanding Grief & Loss in Sports Communities
Sports Chaplaincy Australia
Grief and Loss in Our Club
With the onset of recent natural disasters around us and the news of sudden loss of family and friends in our sporting clubs it is a good time to remind our‐selves about how we respond to grief.
Grief can be like an Earthquake, sudden and unexpected without warning. In an earthquake we experience fear, terror, uncertainty and panic. Our home shakes and falls, cracks appear in the ground, essential services are halted. The earthquake ends and all around is brokenness and we are stunned and shocked by the scene of devastation. Our neighbours have gone or are focussed on their own losses.
In times of Loss we can also experience fear, terror, uncertainty and panic. Our daily routine collapses, our support systems are in disarray – what brings order and security into our lives seems to be gone. Those around us are feeling the impact of the loss and, while they care, are unable to offer us support we need.
In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler‐Ross introduced what became known as the “five stages of grief” and many people have generalized them to negative life changes and losses, such as the death of a loved one.
The five aspects of grief are:
• Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
• Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
• Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
• Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
• Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”
If you are experiencing any of these emotions following a loss, it may help to know that your reaction is natural and that you’ll heal in your own time. However, not everyone who is grieving goes through all of these aspects – and that’s okay. Contrary to popular belief, you do not have to go through each stage in order to heal. In fact, some people resolve their grief without going through any of these aspects. And if you do go through these aspects of grief, you probably won’t experience them in a neat, sequential order, so don’t worry about what you “should” be feeling or which stage you’re supposed to be in. If any of these aspects persist unrelentingly you should seek help. Talk to your Chaplain, local Church Minister or see your doctor.
While loss affects people in different ways, many people experience the following symptoms when they’re grieving. Just remember that almost anything that you experience in the early stages of grief is normal – including feeling like you’re going crazy, feeling like you’re in a bad dream, or questioning your religious beliefs.
• Shock and disbelief – Right after a loss, it can be hard to accept what happened. You may feel numb, have trouble believing that the loss really happened, or even deny the truth. If someone you love has died, you may keep expecting them to show up, even though you know they’re gone. Understanding Grief & Loss in Sports Communities
• Sadness – Profound sadness is probably the most universally experienced symptom of grief. You may have feelings of emptiness, despair, yearning, or deep loneliness. You may also cry a lot or feel emotionally unstable.
• Guilt – You may regret or feel guilty about things you did or didn’t say or do. You may also feel guilty about certain feelings (e.g. feeling relieved when the person died after a long, difficult illness). After a death, you may even feel guilty for not doing something to prevent the death, even if there was nothing more you could have done.
• Anger – Even if the loss was nobody’s fault, you may feel angry and resentful. If you lost a loved one, you may be angry at yourself, God, the doctors, or even the person who died for abandoning you. You may feel the need to blame someone for the injustice that was done to you.
• Fear – A significant loss can trigger a host of worries and fears. You may feel anxious, helpless, or insecure. You may even have panic attacks. The death of a loved one can trigger fears about your own mortality, of facing life without that person, or the responsibilities you now face alone.
• Physical symptoms – We often think of grief as a strictly emotional process, but grief often involves physical problems, including fatigue, nausea, lowered immunity, weight loss or weight gain, aches and pains, and insomnia. Any or all of these reactions are normal. For some people they last a little while, for others they may last longer. There is no formula.
Practical Instructions Consider the following ideas for managing in these tuff times:
• Be gentle with yourself, don’t expect too much. Your body and soul need repair.
• Accept help when offered and seek help if a problem is unresolved.
• Give your body rest. When possible, go to bed earlier.
• Get together with friends. Focusing on others will help you deal with the pain. Lean on your family and friends for support. “Talk”
• Be patient. If you feel depressed for a while, it’s ok.
• Learn to express your feelings, talk, write, sing, exercise, and cry.
• Good nutrition is important. Avoid junk food (for a while).
Sports Chaplaincy Australia Providing Chaplains to Sporting Organisations throughout Australia. www.sportschaplaincy.com.au
03 9012 9695
Last Modified on 13/04/2011 15:24
