Ronnie Landas Special Investigation: Are There Code-Jumpers At The Warriors?
Apart from Harry Kewell’s groin, and the disappearance of Jessica Watson’s dentist, it seems the biggest issue right now in Australian sport is the cross-code defections of Israel Folau and Karmichael Hunt.
Folau’s brilliant decision to leave thugby league, and play the world’s greatest sport with the world’s greatest team (The GWS Whatevers!), has been heavily criticized and questioned by the media. Can two league players make the switch? Has Sheedy lost his mind? Will Dennis Commetti attempt to say “Karmichael Hunt” on live TV?
Whether it’s league, union, boxing, or the uneasy transfer from synchronized swimming to real swimming, there’s no doubt that code-jumping is back in fashion. It’s even been suggested that Tiger Woods is also looking for a lifestyle change…and will play golf in 2010.
However, the issue of code-jumping has started to hit home at Macquarie Uni as well, with rumours circulating that several star Warriors are also trying their hand at other sports. And with only 30 players named on the Kooka’s bench each week, it seems Macquarie Uni simply cannot afford to lose any more players for 2010.
A special investigation, led by yours truly, analyses which of your team mates have tried to make the switch, and measured their performance - were they the Lewis Roberts-Thompson of Mac Uni? Or a success?
Tim Scoular (Tennis) – Timmy Scoular, still disappointed that Geelong scouts failed to notice him in the pre-season hit out, contemplated a switch to tennis before re-joining the Warriors. Timmy was a tennis natural; height, speed, agility, reflexes and strength. Officials were also impressed that he never once swore at a linesman during practice, and didn’t indulge in any post-match drinking shenanigans with Hewitt and Tomic, despite Lleyton continually pleading with a “C’MON!” every few seconds. Unfortunately, Timmy’s career just lasted one match. Due to the epic nature of his size 34 feet, Timmy set a world record of 72 foot-faults in a row, eventually being asked to serve from the grandstand, which again he politely declined. A straight sets loss meant that we regained our gifted CHB and Vice-Captain, but the tip-toe running ladder at training will have to be amended in 2011. The switch? Unsuccessful.
Hobo (Rugby League) – It was only natural for Adam Hobart to consider a switch to rugby league given that he already plays just like a league player, with his physicality, no nonsense attitude, and southern cross tattoo. As expected, Hobo was the star second-rower for his team in pre-season, running the ball up fiercely, and conceding few line breaks. Unfortunately, it all came crashing down when someone “knocked-on”, a scrum had to pack, and suddenly Hobo was in the middle of it. A quick demonstration from team mates on how to pack a scrum saw a visibly uncomfortable Hobo, who saw exactly where his head was going, and where the Lock was putting his. Given his awkward experience on the back of a motorcycle in Bali earlier this year, Hobo wanted to avoid being put in anymore compromising positions. He was last seen running, Forrest Gump style, back to Warriors training. The Switch? Unsuccessful.
Luke Gemmill (Olympic Javelin) – When the Gammatron was sent off earlier this year in a Division 4 match, much to his disgust, little did he know how his sporting career would blossom as a result. A spectator pulled him aside for a quick word, who just happened to be Jarrod Bannister, Australia’s Olympic javelin thrower. Jarrod noted that not only would Luke’s arm be longer than most competitor’s throws anyway, but was also heard saying; “Mate, if you can throw a hissy fit like that, you can throw just about anything”. With his dodgy knee putting him out of football indefinitely, and given his competitive streak and sideline rage, expect to see more of the Gammatron spearing unsuspecting judges in the outfield. The switch? Successful!
Pooley (Boxing) – By the end of Round One this year, our favourite young firebrand had already been involved in two on-field fights; the first being in a intra-club, and the other against a Southern Power player three times his size (and age). The Mac Uni hierarchy suggested that Cameron Poole take up boxing as a means to release the anger to compliment his on-field talents. After just a few gym sessions, he was lined up to fight Anthony Mundine, before Choc realized Pooley wasn’t a cab-driver, and therefore was already over-qualified for a Mundine fight. A step up in weight class and a showdown with Evander Holyfield beckoned. Holyfield also declined, saying that he genuinely feared for his well-being. He stated he was “once bitten, twice shy” by these kind of boxers before, as he showed me his one-and-a-half ears. The switch? Too successful!
Nipper (Long Jump) – The inspirational 3rd Grade Captain and goalsneak was hoping to keep up his outstanding fitness levels over the off-season with the challenge of a new sport. The NBL, Indoor Volleyball, and Ultimate Fighting Championship were ruled out for undisclosed reasons, before Nipper settled on the unusual choice of Long Jump. When asked about his decision, Nipper said that he couldn’t believe there was an Olympic sport that allowed him to run just 20 metres before falling theatrically to the ground. His love of the new sport has seen him practise this even during Warriors games when running into an open goal. The switch? Successful!
Deano (WWE Wrestling) – While many don’t agree with wrestling being thought of as a real sport, there’s no doubting the athleticism required to participate. When the coaching staff asked Deano to muscle up over the summer, it had nothing to do with footy, but actually an early step towards a lucrative career in WWE (seen above in the shed's recently after a Uni of Syd match). After performing his specialty move, “The Tap-Out” on The Undertaker at Smackdown, fans were seen everywhere with t-shirts stating “Beware of the Tap Dog”. A superstar, my fellow Warriors, is in our midst. Rumours that Head Coach Daniel Kenny also shares Deano’s passion for wrestling are unfounded, but they at least seem to share a hairdresser. The Switch? Successful!
Kim Woldhuis (Judo) – Ladette’s Captain and all-round nice girl, “Dutchy” had her reputation tarnished when she was red-carded earlier in the season for kicking an opponent. It was then clear that all those days of smiling, laughing, and baking muffins for the canteen were just masking the bubbling rage and intensity that Kim seems to have. After an early season shoulder injury, Dutchy took up Judo and was impressed that a sport not only allowed her to kick someone else, but congratulated her for doing so. However, it was Kim’s love of team-sports, and the fierce Mac Uni nickname of “Warriors” that brought her back to the club, where hopefully she’ll stay on the field for the rest of 2010. The Switch? Still in transition.
Butch (Lawn Bowls) – After his 144th season playing footy for the club, Butch had actually decided to hang up his depression-era boots at the end of 2009. Retiring to the quiet life at a property down south, Butch made the natural progression of taking up lawn bowls; mingling with the local lads, and opting to wear long pants. Unfortunately, the footy bug took hold soon after, and as a result, the patrons never knew what hit them (it was Butch). The competitors would gently lean over to bowl, before Butch would plant his studs in the middle of their back, launching himself skyward, screaming “IT’S BUTCHER AGAIN!” before claiming a mark. The bowls club promised not to sue, as long Butch paid for the player’s chiropractor bills and returned to the Warriors to fulfil his footy needs. Welcome back, Scott! Save the screamers for us. The Switch? Unsuccessful.
Popey (Irish Dancing) – Tom Pope hasn’t been around at training lately, as he injured his shoulder earlier in the season. He stated straight away that footy was the only sport that he was interested in, but he did need to find an outlet and a way to keep fit in 2010. It only takes a moment to realise that Irish Dancing, (Riverdance, Michael Flatley, U2 after a few Guinness’…) was the perfect fit. Slim build? Tick. Red Hair? Tick. Dancing without having to move your shoulder? Another big tick. It might not be a sport, but if Tadhg Kennelly can get away with it on a Premiership dais, then surely we can let Popey do it in the privacy of the dancefloor at the Epping Hotel after a few beers. The Switch? Successful!
So lads, as you can see, changing sports is a tricky task. So stick around and play the world’s greatest game. Forget that round ball garbage. They’ve all fallen over already. Be part of the new era at Macquarie Uni AFC, and sign up for Team GWS! (sorry, thought I could sneak that inspirational bit in there). Now get back to training.
Ronnie
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Ronnie.landas@gmail.com
Last Modified on 09/06/2010 15:52
